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My opinion - ali zeeshan - 02-03-2005
IS This True?
I give you as my star witness the Moon. The moon orbits around the earth and can only orbit around one planet at a time. If some bigger planet sailed through our solar system and the moon got caught in it's gravitational orbit, it would no longer stay in our orbit officially, it would no longer be true to Earth.
Male and female relationships in marriage are the same, a fixed orbit. By order of the greater universe.
So, that is my opinion.
"Darling, the better you look the more you will see."
- Desert Sleet - 02-03-2005
I disagree here. It all depends upon ur patience and ability to endure. I am considering that you are replying to the post Originally Posted by BOB. Here i will feel its time to narrate my own Painful experience.
Painful experiences are a certitude in life my friend. But we all have an amazing capacity to bring good out of something bad. My wife had an affair about 3 years ago. Our marriage wasn't hanging by a thread...that thread was already snapped into two and I was holding on to the ends with all my strength. It was at that time that I had to decide what was important to me and what was not. Once I realized that my life with...my comittment to my wife and our family was the thing that mattered most in my life the reality of my situation became quite clear I had to do whatever it took on my part to make the marriage work. And that is exactly what I did. Thankfully I came across a very good book on infidelity by a guy named Harvey who runs MarriageBuilders.com. The guidance I got from that book was indispensable. But it didn't make things any easier. In fact, it made my life for the next year and a half pretty much the worst, most painful time in my life...but only because that's what it took to keep our marriage together.
I'm not going to go into the details since my situation doesn't apply to yours. The salient point is that once you truly decides what is important in your life everything becomes quite clear and simple. When you know what is important you have a clear goal defined and all the superfluous crap dissolves away. Once you have decided on what matters you naturally begin working towards making it a reality. That doesn't guarantee you will actually be able to attain your goal but it does instill in you a personal sense of responsibility and self-control like nothing else can.
Once I became determined that my marriage was the most important thing in my life all else fell by the wayside and eventually it won my wife over. The road was long and painful and most of the time so dark I didn't see that anything was changing. But I never gave up and it eventually effected my wife. When my actions proved that she was the most important thing in my life and that I would endure anything for our life together she eventually decided that our marriage was what was most important to her as well. Then we both began to work to create the same reality...we both knew what was important A wonderful marriage, a true friendship, a happy life. And we did whatever it took and we eventually created it.
Now we are best friends through and through. We know one another on levels we never knew existed. We are proud of one another for what we accomplished together. We decided to make something good out of a very bad situation and that is exactly what happened. In the end, that's really all that you have control over in this life...your attitude towards the world you live in and what you decide to do with the experiences you encounter. I learned that I could not control or change or fix my wife. Indeed, if my marriage to her was what mattered above all else, I realized I would have to accept her just as she was.
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If I could... Then I would... Turn back time!!
- ali zeeshan - 02-05-2005
hi Guys,
your words of support and encouragement are unbelievable and so welcome. I am truly greatful.
I guess it's possible to have one partner your whole life, hell anything is possible.
I believe its natural to want to be with another person. Doesn't mean you don't care about your significant other, just means you are human. But whatever happens with you is just a misfortune.
hope for best in future.
RE: My opinion - Desert Sleet - 02-05-2005
As for the subject staying with wife its possible. For me, trust is given until it is taken, and then has to be earned only once it has been lost. It doesn't have to be earned in the first place, it is just given, because that is who I am and what I am like.
So I trusted my wife. If I didn't, I wouldn't have allowed her to go out for a late-night drink the guy in the first place. Do I trust her now? Absolutely not, Every one is inquisitive and there is always a certain element of doubt no matter how much u regret it.
I we really can forgive any affair. Lord knows we are no saint, and far from the perfect husbands. I had one affair before we married, a year after we met, and I left my wife the day after the night the affair started. It caused so much pain and heartache I would be incapable of repeating such a tremendous mistake. I learnt through experience that affairs are bad for everyone involved.
It seems like we have nothing going for us, but surely after going through all these things and staying strong, if we can, we have plenty?
It's a little weird with us. We disagree philosophically, logically, morally, spiritually, emotionally, and in pretty much any area where one can hold a distinct viewpoint. I come from a rich and well-educated background, while hers is poor with no qualifications at all. But having said that, I am no different from her. I am not smarter, wiser, or better than her. I am taller, but that like everything else makes us a compliment to each other. I can do what she can't, she can do what I can't. I understand history, philosophy, and spacetime physics, she understands people and life and how to function as a human being. Each of us is totally lost when pondering the other's expertise.
Example when I left uni I should have got a job for about £15,000 a year, which is actually about average in the UK. Instead I got a job for £38,000, simply because she pushed me to try harder. I would never have had the guts to ask for that salary, but she insisted, and I got it.
It's always the same. We fill each others' voids, complete each others' puzzles.
But at the same time that marriage is six years old, twice the average life-expectancy in this country, and there is wear and tear in all sorts of places. Neither of us have worked as hard as we should have to keep the relationship in a good state of repair, but then it's been a damn hard slog. My family have constantly opposed our union like we were Romeo and Juliet!
The situation at present is that I am home with my wife and kids and staying here unless something new happens to make me leave. Something new means contact from him, in any way, shape or form. As for trust... I don't know what to do.I have enabled keylogger running . I've noticed her using the Windows Task Manager to disable services (I taught her that!) but she is disabling the wrong ones so far! I want to trust her and get rid of it, but whether I should I do not know. It is only a matter of a short time before she asks me if it is still running, although she doesn't even know it was a keylogger...
We're not in a great state are we? But I still have enough energy for another bash, starting from the bottom, and I think it's worth it for everyone involved, IF the other man is completely gone now. We shall see.
But let me state u once again always be committed towards ur wife.
"Then the LORD God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him'...So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. The LORD God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. The man said, 'This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.' For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh" (Genesis 218, 21-24 NASB). This is God's created design for male and female monogamous opposite-sex marriage. Notice that it doesn't say "and be joined to his wives."
"When Jesus had finished these words, He departed from Galilee and came into the region of Judea beyond the Jordan; and large crowds followed Him, and He healed them there. Some Pharisees came to Jesus, testing Him and asking, 'Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?' And He answered and said, 'Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE, and said, 'FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH'? 'So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.' They said to Him, 'Why then did Moses command to GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE AND SEND her AWAY?' He said to them, 'Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way. 'And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery'" (Matthew 191-9 NASB). From what you have described, you have no evidence that immorality has occurred. Even if there has been immorality, Jesus isn't saying that divorce is required (allowed, yes; required, no).
- ali zeeshan - 02-05-2005
your story is sooooo interesting cheema sahab
"You say you hate me,And i know that it is true,But why cant i stop thinking of you"