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+--- Thread: JOKES! (/thread-jokes--364)
JOKES! - Omar Salah Ahmed - 10-22-2003
JOB EVALUATION
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%. How about achieving 103%? Here's a little math that might prove helpful. What makes life 100%? Want to know the secret?
If
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
are represented as their corresponding number
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then,
H A R D W O R K
8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98%
K N O W L E D G E
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96%
But,
A T T I T U D E
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100%
And,
B U L L S H I T
2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%
So, it stands to reason that hard work and knowledge will get you close, attitude will get you there, but bullshit will put you over the top.
And look how far this will take you...
A S S K I S S I N G
1 19 19 11 9 19 19 9 14 7 = 118%
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CORPORATE LESSONS!
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road. He stopped and offered her a lift, which she accepted.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. The priest had a look and nearly got into an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthfully slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand.
However, he was unable to remove his eyes from her leg. Further on, while switching gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun repeated, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
Once again the priest apologized. "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun got out, gave him a meaningful glance and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up Psalm 129.
It read "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story Always be well-informed in your job, or you might miss a great opportunity!
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CORPORATE LESSONS!
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
After a few seconds of arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel you have on."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. Confused but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps herself back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she returns to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower, "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next-door neighbor," she replies.
"Great," the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your stakeholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
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OSA