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+--- Thread: More jokes dude (/thread-more-jokes-dude)
More jokes dude - n/a2 - 02-29-2004
A man was wandering in the woods, pondering all the mysteries of life and his own personal problems. The man couldn't find the answers, so he sought help from God.
"God? You there, God?" he asked
"Yes. What is it, my son?" God answered.
"Mind if I ask a few questions?" the man asked.
"Go ahead, my son, anything."
"God, what is a million years to you?"
God answered, "A million years to me is only a second."
The man asked, "God, what is a million dollars worth to you?"
God replied, "A million dollars to me is worth only a penny."
The man lifted his eyebrows and asked his final question.
"God, can I have a penny?"
God answered, "Sure, give me a second."
I lie I steal I cheat So people can feel my LATINO HEAT
- n/a2 - 02-29-2004
Jesus Is Watching
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight
around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying "Jesus is watching you".
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out and froze.
When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, clicked the light back on and began searching for more valuables.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you."
Freaked out, he shone his light around, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his
flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
"Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.
"Yep," the parrot confessed, "I'm just trying to warn you."
The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who the hell are you?"
"Moses," replied the bird.
"Moses" the burglar laughed. "What kind of stupid people would
name a parrot Moses?"
"Probably the same kind of people that would name a rotweiller Jesus," the bird answered.
I lie I steal I cheat So people can feel my LATINO HEAT
- n/a2 - 02-29-2004
Improvements in Hell
An engineer died and ended up in Hell. He was not pleased with the level of comfort in Hell, and began to redesign and build improvements. After a while, they had toilets that flush, air conditioning, and escalators. Everyone grew very fond of him.
One day God called to Satan to mock him, "So, how's it going down there in Hell?"
Satan replied, "Hey, things are great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God was surprised, "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake. He should never have gotten down there in the first place. Send him back up here."
"No way," replied Satan. "I like having an engineer, and I'm keeping him."
God threatened, "Send him back up here now or I'll sue!"
Satan laughed and answered, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
I lie I steal I cheat So people can feel my LATINO HEAT
- n/a2 - 02-29-2004
God Takes a Vacation
God was tired and worn out. So he spoke to St. Peter.
"You know, I need a vacation. Got any suggestions where I should go?"
St. Peter, thinking, nodded his head, then said, "How about Jupiter? It's nice and warm there this time of the year."
God shook His head before saying, "No, too much gravity. You know how that hurts my back."
"Hmmm," St. Peter reflected. "Well, how about Mercury?"
"No way!" God muttered. "It's way too hot for me there!"
"I've got it," St. Peter said, his face lighting up. "How about going down to Earth for your vacation?"
Chuckling, God remarked, "Are you kidding? Two thousand years ago I went there, had an affair with some nice Jewish girl, and they're STILL talking about it!"
I lie I steal I cheat So people can feel my LATINO HEAT