05-10-2003, 03:12 AM
Think again.. r Accountants really boring ?
Accountants aren't boring people, we just get excited over boring things.
Where do homeless accountants live?
In a tax shelter.
Why don't accountants count sheep to get to sleep?
Because they lose count and then take three hours to find the error.
Why don't accountants count sheep to get to sleep?
Because they need a spreadsheet to do the calculations.
Heard at an accounting support group "It seemed so harmless. I started making journal entries..then, secretly at home, I would post the entries to T accounts, and then I started recording them in ledgers. It just felt so good, and then I started doing financial statements and I couldn't stop....
Why did God create actuaries?
So that accountants could think they had personality.
There are only three types of accountants
those who can count, and those who can't.
Why did the auditor cross the road?
Because he did it last year.
Why did the auditor cross the road?
Because it was in the audit plan.
Why did the auditor get run over crossing the road?
Auditors never do risk assessment well until after the accident happens.
What does an accountant use for birth control?
His, or her, personality.
What is the difference between tax evasion and tax avoidance?
Jail.
Half of accounting is ninety percent correct calculations.
How do you know the financial statements are finished?
The accountant drools out of both sides of his mouth.
Why do accountants make good lovers?
Because they are good with figures, and who deals in figures, must take care of Curves.
What does CPA stand for?
Certified Public Annoyance OR Can't Pass Again
What is the proof that accountants have no imagination?
Naming a firm PriceWaterhouseCoopers.
What is KPMG's idea of "simple advice"(their 1998 advertising theme)?
A several hundred page guide on implementing SFAS 133 - hedge accounting for derivatives and other financial instruments. "Just like your mother's advice".
An auditor qualifying the accounts is like one who arrives after the battle is lost and bayonets the wounded. Of course, then the attorney arrives and strips the bodies.
Old accountants never die, They simply lose their Balance.
Accountants aren't boring people, we just get excited over boring things.
Where do homeless accountants live?
In a tax shelter.
Why don't accountants count sheep to get to sleep?
Because they lose count and then take three hours to find the error.
Why don't accountants count sheep to get to sleep?
Because they need a spreadsheet to do the calculations.
Heard at an accounting support group "It seemed so harmless. I started making journal entries..then, secretly at home, I would post the entries to T accounts, and then I started recording them in ledgers. It just felt so good, and then I started doing financial statements and I couldn't stop....
Why did God create actuaries?
So that accountants could think they had personality.
There are only three types of accountants
those who can count, and those who can't.
Why did the auditor cross the road?
Because he did it last year.
Why did the auditor cross the road?
Because it was in the audit plan.
Why did the auditor get run over crossing the road?
Auditors never do risk assessment well until after the accident happens.
What does an accountant use for birth control?
His, or her, personality.
What is the difference between tax evasion and tax avoidance?
Jail.
Half of accounting is ninety percent correct calculations.
How do you know the financial statements are finished?
The accountant drools out of both sides of his mouth.
Why do accountants make good lovers?
Because they are good with figures, and who deals in figures, must take care of Curves.
What does CPA stand for?
Certified Public Annoyance OR Can't Pass Again
What is the proof that accountants have no imagination?
Naming a firm PriceWaterhouseCoopers.
What is KPMG's idea of "simple advice"(their 1998 advertising theme)?
A several hundred page guide on implementing SFAS 133 - hedge accounting for derivatives and other financial instruments. "Just like your mother's advice".
An auditor qualifying the accounts is like one who arrives after the battle is lost and bayonets the wounded. Of course, then the attorney arrives and strips the bodies.
Old accountants never die, They simply lose their Balance.
