08-31-2003, 06:58 AM
Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man, and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."
Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God." St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.
Arthur then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of woman?"
God said, "Ah, yes."
Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention Number one, there's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion. Number two, it chatters constantly at high speeds. Number three, most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much. Number four, the intake is placed way too close to the exhaust. And finally, the maintenance costs are outrageous."
"Hmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."
God went to his Celestial Super Computer, typed in a few words, and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.
"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."
======================================================================There's a nun sitting at a bus stop, and as she's waiting, she notices a fortune-telling machine. She decides to give this thing a go to pass the time. She puts in 50¢ and a little white card comes out. It reads "You're 28, you're a nun, you're single, and you're going to fart." Sure enough, as she's reading it, out comes a ripper.
She decides that this is quite amusing, so she puts in another 50¢. Out comes the white card again "You're 28, you're a nun, you're single, and you're about to duck behind the bushes to pee." Sure enough, as she's reading it, she suddenly gets the incredible urge to go. So off she goes behind the bushes, hikes up her skirt, and takes a long, satisfying leak.
When she gets back, she tries again, curious to know what the machine will say this time, so she puts another 50¢ into the slot. Out comes the little white card; "You're 28, you're a nun, you're single, and with all this farting and pissing about, you've missed the bus."
======================================================================
One day a government worker was digging through his office drawers when suddenly he came upon a magic lamp. Since he'd heard these jokes before, he knew that he had to rub the lamp and make the genie come out. So he rubbed the lamp and out popped a genie.
The genie asked, as genies will, "What is your first wish?" The government worker thought about it for a second, then replied, "I would like to be rich!" So the genie granted him his wish, and poof the man was surrounded by piles of money rivaling the heaps of even Martha Stewart and Bill Gates.
Since the government worker knew the whole wish process, the genie didn't even have to ask for number two before he said, "My second wish is to be on an island with beautiful women surrounding me and obeying my every command!" And poof, he was there.
Then the government worker decided on his third wish, "I don't want to do any work ever again!" and poof -- ubiquitous ironic twist -- he was back in his office.
======================================================================
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
OSA
Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God." St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.
Arthur then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of woman?"
God said, "Ah, yes."
Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention Number one, there's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion. Number two, it chatters constantly at high speeds. Number three, most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much. Number four, the intake is placed way too close to the exhaust. And finally, the maintenance costs are outrageous."
"Hmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."
God went to his Celestial Super Computer, typed in a few words, and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.
"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."
======================================================================There's a nun sitting at a bus stop, and as she's waiting, she notices a fortune-telling machine. She decides to give this thing a go to pass the time. She puts in 50¢ and a little white card comes out. It reads "You're 28, you're a nun, you're single, and you're going to fart." Sure enough, as she's reading it, out comes a ripper.
She decides that this is quite amusing, so she puts in another 50¢. Out comes the white card again "You're 28, you're a nun, you're single, and you're about to duck behind the bushes to pee." Sure enough, as she's reading it, she suddenly gets the incredible urge to go. So off she goes behind the bushes, hikes up her skirt, and takes a long, satisfying leak.
When she gets back, she tries again, curious to know what the machine will say this time, so she puts another 50¢ into the slot. Out comes the little white card; "You're 28, you're a nun, you're single, and with all this farting and pissing about, you've missed the bus."
======================================================================
One day a government worker was digging through his office drawers when suddenly he came upon a magic lamp. Since he'd heard these jokes before, he knew that he had to rub the lamp and make the genie come out. So he rubbed the lamp and out popped a genie.
The genie asked, as genies will, "What is your first wish?" The government worker thought about it for a second, then replied, "I would like to be rich!" So the genie granted him his wish, and poof the man was surrounded by piles of money rivaling the heaps of even Martha Stewart and Bill Gates.
Since the government worker knew the whole wish process, the genie didn't even have to ask for number two before he said, "My second wish is to be on an island with beautiful women surrounding me and obeying my every command!" And poof, he was there.
Then the government worker decided on his third wish, "I don't want to do any work ever again!" and poof -- ubiquitous ironic twist -- he was back in his office.
======================================================================
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
OSA
