10-05-2003, 11:26 PM
TEACHER Why are you late?
WEBSTER Because of the sign.
TEACHER What sign?
WEBSTER The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
TEACHER Cindy, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?
CINDY You told me to do it without using tables!
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
TEACHER George can you count up to 5?
George counts up to 5 slowly using his Fingers.
TEACHER Good, now can you count any higher?
George climbs up on his chair and counts five
again using his fingers.
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
TEACHER John, how do you spell "crocodile"?
JOHN "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER No, that's wrong
JOHN Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
TEACHER What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER What are you talking about?
SARAH Yesterday you said it's H to O!
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
TEACHER George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE Here it is!
TEACHER Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS George!
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
TEACHER Willy, name one important thing we have
today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WILLY Me!
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
TEACHER Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
SILVIA Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA Your signature on this report card.
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
TEACHER In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
SAMMY You can't fool me, Teacher... snakes don't have feet.
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
TEACHER How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
JOSE Don't bite any.
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
TEACHER Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".
ELLEN I is...
TEACHER No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."
ELLEN All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
MOTHER Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?
JUNIOR You said it was my lunch money.
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
TEACHER If I had seven oranges in one hand and
eight oranges in the other, what would I have?
CLASS COMEDIAN Big hands!
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
Teacher "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE? "
Johnny "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same ime."
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
Teacher "George Washington not only chopped down his
father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you
know why his father didn't punish him?"
Johnny "Because George still had the axe in his hand."
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
Son Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
Father No. Why do you ask that?
Son Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
Teacher What a pair of strange socks you are
wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots!
Kirk Yes it's really strange. I've got another
pair of the same at home.
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
Teacher Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing
football and the game went into extra time.
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
At a church school gathering, one little old lady approached a cute
5-year-old girl and asked her where she got her good looks.
"I musta got 'em from my Daddy," said the little
girl, "'cause Mommy's still got hers."
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
A kid with a few packages in his arms asked a
passer-by, "Will you open the gate for me?"
The passer-by said, "Of course, sonny."
The kid replied, "Thanks. The gate was just painted
and I didn't want to get my hands messy."
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
Ed What time is it when Dracula goes to the dentist?
John I don't know.
Ed Tooth hurty (230)
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
Ed My uncle and I went on a safari to Africa last year.
John Oh, yeah? How did it go?
Ed We spotted a leopard.
John Don't be silly. They're born that way!
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
My father is so old that when he was in school,
History was called current affairs.
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
Teacher Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey
and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
Student Brotherly love.
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
Teacher Now,Jerry, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Jerry No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
Dad Son, what do you want for your birthday?
Son Just a radio with a sports car around it.
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
Teacher Desmond, your composition on "My Dog"is
exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
Desmond No, teacher, it's the same dog!
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
Father Your teacher says she finds it impossible
to teach you anything!
Son That's why I say she's no good!
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
Teacher What do you call a person who keeps on
talking when people are no longer interested?
Pupil A teacher.
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
Tarun How should I convey the news to my
father that I've failed?
Dinesh You just send a telegram Result
declared, past year's performance repeated.
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
Teacher "Hello boys, Remember !!! Nothing is impossible."
One of the 20 Students "Ok Sir, You please take out all the
toothpaste and put back it into a tube again."
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
Man How old is your father ?
Boy As old as me
Man How can that be ?
Boy He became a father only when I was born
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
S M R
WEBSTER Because of the sign.
TEACHER What sign?
WEBSTER The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
TEACHER Cindy, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?
CINDY You told me to do it without using tables!
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
TEACHER George can you count up to 5?
George counts up to 5 slowly using his Fingers.
TEACHER Good, now can you count any higher?
George climbs up on his chair and counts five
again using his fingers.
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
TEACHER John, how do you spell "crocodile"?
JOHN "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER No, that's wrong
JOHN Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
TEACHER What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER What are you talking about?
SARAH Yesterday you said it's H to O!
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
TEACHER George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE Here it is!
TEACHER Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS George!
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
TEACHER Willy, name one important thing we have
today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WILLY Me!
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
TEACHER Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
SILVIA Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA Your signature on this report card.
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
TEACHER In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
SAMMY You can't fool me, Teacher... snakes don't have feet.
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
TEACHER How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
JOSE Don't bite any.
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
TEACHER Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".
ELLEN I is...
TEACHER No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."
ELLEN All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
MOTHER Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?
JUNIOR You said it was my lunch money.
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
TEACHER If I had seven oranges in one hand and
eight oranges in the other, what would I have?
CLASS COMEDIAN Big hands!
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
Teacher "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE? "
Johnny "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same ime."
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
Teacher "George Washington not only chopped down his
father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you
know why his father didn't punish him?"
Johnny "Because George still had the axe in his hand."
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
Son Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
Father No. Why do you ask that?
Son Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
Teacher What a pair of strange socks you are
wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots!
Kirk Yes it's really strange. I've got another
pair of the same at home.
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
Teacher Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing
football and the game went into extra time.
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
At a church school gathering, one little old lady approached a cute
5-year-old girl and asked her where she got her good looks.
"I musta got 'em from my Daddy," said the little
girl, "'cause Mommy's still got hers."
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
A kid with a few packages in his arms asked a
passer-by, "Will you open the gate for me?"
The passer-by said, "Of course, sonny."
The kid replied, "Thanks. The gate was just painted
and I didn't want to get my hands messy."
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
Ed What time is it when Dracula goes to the dentist?
John I don't know.
Ed Tooth hurty (230)
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
Ed My uncle and I went on a safari to Africa last year.
John Oh, yeah? How did it go?
Ed We spotted a leopard.
John Don't be silly. They're born that way!
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
My father is so old that when he was in school,
History was called current affairs.
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
Teacher Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey
and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
Student Brotherly love.
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
Teacher Now,Jerry, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Jerry No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
Dad Son, what do you want for your birthday?
Son Just a radio with a sports car around it.
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
Teacher Desmond, your composition on "My Dog"is
exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
Desmond No, teacher, it's the same dog!
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
Father Your teacher says she finds it impossible
to teach you anything!
Son That's why I say she's no good!
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
Teacher What do you call a person who keeps on
talking when people are no longer interested?
Pupil A teacher.
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
Tarun How should I convey the news to my
father that I've failed?
Dinesh You just send a telegram Result
declared, past year's performance repeated.
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
Teacher "Hello boys, Remember !!! Nothing is impossible."
One of the 20 Students "Ok Sir, You please take out all the
toothpaste and put back it into a tube again."
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
=================================================
Man How old is your father ?
Boy As old as me
Man How can that be ?
Boy He became a father only when I was born
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
S M R
