03-21-2005, 09:34 AM
Honest interviews Asra Nomani
Imagine if Nomani got some sodium pentothal in her martini and gave an honest interview....
DrM So whats the âMuslim womans freedom tourâ about ?
AN. Well I couldnât come up with anything catchy so I decided to steal some terms from the civil rights movement. I havenât had much luck getting attention with the shake down Iâve tried to pull at the Morgantown masjid, so I had to do something.
DrM Whatâs going on there ?
AN Actually I didnt have a chance to win a seat on the masjid advisory panel, so I bailed the day the election. Then I started claiming that the ladies section was insufficient for us even though there was plenty of room.
DrM Why did you do that ?
AN It got the mediaâs interest, and I was on CNNâ¦they just love me on FOX too might I add. Plus, I got a chance to plug my book, nothing like a little free PR.
DrM You mean âStanding alone in Meccaâ ?
AN Yes, order your copy today !
DrM This was about your Hajj experience correct ?
AN Yep.
DrM There were over 2 million pilgrims at last yearâs Hajj, so what do you mean by the âstand aloneâ part ?
AN Well..uhâ¦it sounded tight. Thereâs only one Asra Nomani ya know !
DrM Youâre a bit of a whack job arenât you ?
AN Hey now ! Well, maybe just a bitâ¦I can assure Iâm just your typical single Muslim mom raising a kid.
DrM Why single ? Wheres hubby ?
AN Lets not get into thatâ¦..
DrM Iâll let you plug your book if you doâ¦.
AN In that caseâ¦..I was on assignment in Pakistan, where I met this one dudeâ¦and things kinda happened.
DrM Hold upâ¦that would be adultery then..
AN Look man, I was trying the latest tantrika mumbo jumboâ¦you can read all about it in my other book on tantrika sexâ¦on sale for only $17.95.
DrM So did you get married ?
AN Nope, he ran off, the bastid.
DrM Well thatâs too badâ¦.but donât you think Muslims would have a problem with someone with your past telling them how to practice Islam ?
AN Look I screwed up, cut me some slack here ! All you gotta do is perform Hajj and all is forgiven.
DrM Well it doesnât quite work like thatâ¦you have to be sincere in your desire for forgivenessâ¦
AN I am sincere, dawg !
DrM But you do oppose punishing the crime of adulteryâ¦
AN Well, just punishing the female part, they could stone the men with a boulder for all I care. Besides everybody does it these days, you cant go around slamming people for getting busyâ¦.you know what Iâm saying ?
DrM Actually no, I myself have never committed adultery, nor do any of Muslim friends engage in it.
AN Youâre a wahabi arenât you ?!
DrM â¦no, not really.
AN You believe in Quran and Hadeeth ?
DrM â¦Yeah
AN WAHABI ! Neo-Salafi ! Muslim Pat Robertson !
DrM Hey everybody, buy Asraâs bookâ¦.
AN Ok, Iâll let you off the hook this timeâ¦.
DrM So tell me what you mean by Muslim woman âreclaiming their rights.â
AN Actually thatâs just some bullcrap we cooked up to get the mediaâs attention. I would like to see more woman ditch the hijab.
DrM Why is that ?
AN Well to be honest with you, Iâm a bit jealous of those hijabis. They get respect and they donât have to put out to get it.
DrM Why are you proggies so obsessed with hijab when Muslim woman face so many other challenges ?
AN Wellâ¦.we donât want to them to wear itâ¦.and thatâs all I have to say about that.
DrM They make you look bad donât they ?
AN Yeah they do, kinda makes it hard to pull a fast one on ignorant non-Muslims with them around.
DrM But you did wear a hijab on the cover of your bookâ¦
AN Available at bookstores near you for onlyâ¦
DrM We got that already. But why the hijab on the cover ?
AN It grabs the viewers attention, but its cool, I donât wear it inside the book.
DrM About your local masjidâ¦.when did that controversy start ?
AN Actually I rarely go to the masjid, and I never went beforeâ¦but it was a good place to start my campaign.
DrM But why do you want a larger prayer hall if you sneak into the menâs section ?
AN To be honest, its more funâ¦thereâs a couple of guys with really tigâ¦
DrM Time out
AN Dang ! I was just getting to the good part.
DrM This aint âsex and the ummah.â
AN Which I also co-write with that other lady holed up in Arkansas.
DrM So why the need to publish porn ?
AN Well that Nassef character, you know the one with the big boot print on his face thought it would get us some page hits, as well as offer a release for the readers, most of whom arenât old enough to drink. We think its better than them surfing smut sites.
DrM But its still porn, and rather vulgar at thatâ¦.
AN Donât be such a prude, Muslims should enjoy the sexual impulse..nothing to be afraid ofâ¦
DrM Uh I donât think thatâs a problem given that Muslims have the highest birthrate on the planet. Only difference I see is they do it behind closed doors and after marriage.
AN You better cut it out with that wahabi crap, man
DrM Yawn, so what do you do these days ?
AN Well since I dont have a job, I enjoy harassing the people at the masjid, and trying to make non-Muslims like me as a "good muslim." Otherwise I'm just a bitter middle aged woman eating bonbons and watching Oprah. Hopefully, some clueless liberals and ill-meaning conservatives will pick up my books, every single penny counts.
DrM I think I've had enough. Off you go granny.
AN Wha ?!
DrM Theres a MSNBC camera crew outside waiting to hear your deep Islamic thoughts.
Imagine if Nomani got some sodium pentothal in her martini and gave an honest interview....
DrM So whats the âMuslim womans freedom tourâ about ?
AN. Well I couldnât come up with anything catchy so I decided to steal some terms from the civil rights movement. I havenât had much luck getting attention with the shake down Iâve tried to pull at the Morgantown masjid, so I had to do something.
DrM Whatâs going on there ?
AN Actually I didnt have a chance to win a seat on the masjid advisory panel, so I bailed the day the election. Then I started claiming that the ladies section was insufficient for us even though there was plenty of room.
DrM Why did you do that ?
AN It got the mediaâs interest, and I was on CNNâ¦they just love me on FOX too might I add. Plus, I got a chance to plug my book, nothing like a little free PR.
DrM You mean âStanding alone in Meccaâ ?
AN Yes, order your copy today !
DrM This was about your Hajj experience correct ?
AN Yep.
DrM There were over 2 million pilgrims at last yearâs Hajj, so what do you mean by the âstand aloneâ part ?
AN Well..uhâ¦it sounded tight. Thereâs only one Asra Nomani ya know !
DrM Youâre a bit of a whack job arenât you ?
AN Hey now ! Well, maybe just a bitâ¦I can assure Iâm just your typical single Muslim mom raising a kid.
DrM Why single ? Wheres hubby ?
AN Lets not get into thatâ¦..
DrM Iâll let you plug your book if you doâ¦.
AN In that caseâ¦..I was on assignment in Pakistan, where I met this one dudeâ¦and things kinda happened.
DrM Hold upâ¦that would be adultery then..
AN Look man, I was trying the latest tantrika mumbo jumboâ¦you can read all about it in my other book on tantrika sexâ¦on sale for only $17.95.
DrM So did you get married ?
AN Nope, he ran off, the bastid.
DrM Well thatâs too badâ¦.but donât you think Muslims would have a problem with someone with your past telling them how to practice Islam ?
AN Look I screwed up, cut me some slack here ! All you gotta do is perform Hajj and all is forgiven.
DrM Well it doesnât quite work like thatâ¦you have to be sincere in your desire for forgivenessâ¦
AN I am sincere, dawg !
DrM But you do oppose punishing the crime of adulteryâ¦
AN Well, just punishing the female part, they could stone the men with a boulder for all I care. Besides everybody does it these days, you cant go around slamming people for getting busyâ¦.you know what Iâm saying ?
DrM Actually no, I myself have never committed adultery, nor do any of Muslim friends engage in it.
AN Youâre a wahabi arenât you ?!
DrM â¦no, not really.
AN You believe in Quran and Hadeeth ?
DrM â¦Yeah
AN WAHABI ! Neo-Salafi ! Muslim Pat Robertson !
DrM Hey everybody, buy Asraâs bookâ¦.
AN Ok, Iâll let you off the hook this timeâ¦.
DrM So tell me what you mean by Muslim woman âreclaiming their rights.â
AN Actually thatâs just some bullcrap we cooked up to get the mediaâs attention. I would like to see more woman ditch the hijab.
DrM Why is that ?
AN Well to be honest with you, Iâm a bit jealous of those hijabis. They get respect and they donât have to put out to get it.
DrM Why are you proggies so obsessed with hijab when Muslim woman face so many other challenges ?
AN Wellâ¦.we donât want to them to wear itâ¦.and thatâs all I have to say about that.
DrM They make you look bad donât they ?
AN Yeah they do, kinda makes it hard to pull a fast one on ignorant non-Muslims with them around.
DrM But you did wear a hijab on the cover of your bookâ¦
AN Available at bookstores near you for onlyâ¦
DrM We got that already. But why the hijab on the cover ?
AN It grabs the viewers attention, but its cool, I donât wear it inside the book.
DrM About your local masjidâ¦.when did that controversy start ?
AN Actually I rarely go to the masjid, and I never went beforeâ¦but it was a good place to start my campaign.
DrM But why do you want a larger prayer hall if you sneak into the menâs section ?
AN To be honest, its more funâ¦thereâs a couple of guys with really tigâ¦
DrM Time out
AN Dang ! I was just getting to the good part.
DrM This aint âsex and the ummah.â
AN Which I also co-write with that other lady holed up in Arkansas.
DrM So why the need to publish porn ?
AN Well that Nassef character, you know the one with the big boot print on his face thought it would get us some page hits, as well as offer a release for the readers, most of whom arenât old enough to drink. We think its better than them surfing smut sites.
DrM But its still porn, and rather vulgar at thatâ¦.
AN Donât be such a prude, Muslims should enjoy the sexual impulse..nothing to be afraid ofâ¦
DrM Uh I donât think thatâs a problem given that Muslims have the highest birthrate on the planet. Only difference I see is they do it behind closed doors and after marriage.
AN You better cut it out with that wahabi crap, man
DrM Yawn, so what do you do these days ?
AN Well since I dont have a job, I enjoy harassing the people at the masjid, and trying to make non-Muslims like me as a "good muslim." Otherwise I'm just a bitter middle aged woman eating bonbons and watching Oprah. Hopefully, some clueless liberals and ill-meaning conservatives will pick up my books, every single penny counts.
DrM I think I've had enough. Off you go granny.
AN Wha ?!
DrM Theres a MSNBC camera crew outside waiting to hear your deep Islamic thoughts.
