Jokes......

[maani]

Q What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A A good start!

Q How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A His lips are moving.

Q What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A There are skid marks in front of the skunk.

Q Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A Professional courtesy.

Q What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A Not enough sand.

Q. What do you buy a friend graduating from Law School?
A. A Lobotomy.

Q. How do you save five drowning lawyers?
A. Who cares?

Q. What do you call a block of cement containing ten lawyers?
A. A waste of cement.

Q How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
A1 Shoot him before he hits the water.
A2 Take your foot off his head.
A3 Excuse me, I don´t understand the point of the question.

Q How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A Cut the rope.

Q What do you do if you run over a Lawyer?
A1 Back over him to make sure.
A2 Make another notch on the steering wheel.

Q What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit?
A The bucket.

Q What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?
A When a bus load of lawyers goes off a cliff.

Q What is the definition of a "crying shame"?
A There was an empty seat.

Q What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?
A Stick his bill up his ass.

Q What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
A An offer you can't understand.


Ace

[maani]

Reason No. 1
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,
"Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday
minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike.
She threw the bike to the ground, and said,
"Take what you want."
"The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes
probably wouldn't have fit."

Reason No. 2
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass
is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs
to be.

Reason No. 3
A pastor, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with
these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word
with him."
"Hi, John. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather
slow, aren't they?"
The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind
firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire
last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment.
The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer
for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my
ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

Reason No. 4
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all
things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for more than 30
years, he happily retired. Several years later, the company contacted
him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with
one of their multimillion-dollar machines.
They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to
work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired
engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. The
engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the
huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk
on a particular component of the machine and stated, "This is where
your problem is."
The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The
company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his
service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.
The engineer responded "One chalk mark $1; knowing where to put it
$49,999."
It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.

Reason No. 5
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons; civil engineers build targets.


Ace

[maani]

Reason No. 1
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,
"Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday
minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike.
She threw the bike to the ground, and said,
"Take what you want."
"The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes
probably wouldn't have fit."

Reason No. 2
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass
is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs
to be.

Reason No. 3
A pastor, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with
these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word
with him."
"Hi, John. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather
slow, aren't they?"
The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind
firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire
last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment.
The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer
for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my
ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

Reason No. 4
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all
things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for more than 30
years, he happily retired. Several years later, the company contacted
him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with
one of their multimillion-dollar machines.
They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to
work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired
engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. The
engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the
huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk
on a particular component of the machine and stated, "This is where
your problem is."
The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The
company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his
service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.
The engineer responded "One chalk mark $1; knowing where to put it
$49,999."
It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.

Reason No. 5
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons; civil engineers build targets.


Ace